I'm 58 today! Yay! What a nice day I had. Gerry sang to me when I woke up, I got myself a half-caf vanilla latte at Coffeetimes, Clyde brought me a chocolate cake that said 'Happy Birthday Mae' on it, and all my friends at ATC gathered in the conference room to sing to me and give me the 'traveling birthday decorations'. I got a huge card that everyone signed, and a marvelous 'Happy Birthday' sign that's connected together with colorful yarn, and a Monkey that spins and sings the Beatles Birthday song. Went to lunch with one of my favorite new people, Shirley Chann, and Clyde and had a marvelous fish fry at Pastiche. Finished sending in all the files for the conversion at work and left the office at 4:30. Smelling baked potato now, anticipating steak Gerry's way with roasted asparagus.
Life is very, very good.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Herceptin, revisited
Well, hello again Herceptin. This is a chemo that thwarts the growth of blood vessels to tumors. I took it from February of 2007 through April of 2009. With lung nodules showing up in July of 2009 and increasing by January of 2010, I am back on it for an indefinite period of time. Most likely right up until it isn't working anymore, and then we'll try something else.
Herceptin doesn't really have bad side effects, with the exception of starting it up. The very first time I had it, it gave me a couple of hours of muscle cramping, joint pain, shivers like a heavy fever. After 10 months off, I had the same reaction Friday. It's like a bad flu. Loaded up with lots of blankets, drinking hot tea, comfy flannel jammies.... Rather uncomfortable.
In some strange way though today, I feel a bit renewed, almost like a sweat lodge, all the toxins out, a little weak in the muscles, but clean. Spent a big portion of the day with one or the other dog on me, cuddling, using their warmth like a heating pad. Cold and rainy outside, but that's something amazing when you live in the sunshine all the time. So, a good day.
Herceptin doesn't really have bad side effects, with the exception of starting it up. The very first time I had it, it gave me a couple of hours of muscle cramping, joint pain, shivers like a heavy fever. After 10 months off, I had the same reaction Friday. It's like a bad flu. Loaded up with lots of blankets, drinking hot tea, comfy flannel jammies.... Rather uncomfortable.
In some strange way though today, I feel a bit renewed, almost like a sweat lodge, all the toxins out, a little weak in the muscles, but clean. Spent a big portion of the day with one or the other dog on me, cuddling, using their warmth like a heating pad. Cold and rainy outside, but that's something amazing when you live in the sunshine all the time. So, a good day.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Up the Down! Up the Down!
Okay, I'm just sayin'.
Angie's coming to visit!
Well, her first priority isn't really visiting, but she's here, and we get to have her in our house, and I'm very, very happy. Angie, if you're reading this, you make me happy. Shelby, I wish like heck that you were going to be here too, but I will wait til June and enjoy the heck out of you then. OMG, I used 'heck' twice! For shame!
Outside the window of the conference room at ATC, we can see when people turn North onto Scott Avenue from 14th Street. It is one way going South. Today, a black car did it, moving pretty fast. I just had to call out 'Up the Down! Up the Down!'.
My colleagues had no idea what I was talking about, but still they 'got it'. Jenny frowned. She takes it as a personal affront when people do that. And they do it a lot.
But here's the happy, happy beauty that I get from 'Up the Down'.
It was a wonderful, funny time in a little car with Angie and Shelby. We were going against the stream in a parking lot, and I called out the only warning my brain could muster.
"Up the Down! Up the Down!"
Lordy, how we laughed.
I do like to laugh. My nieces identify me with that laugh. It was perhaps too loud for them when they were younger. But I do love to laugh.
What a fun and wonderful life I have had so far. So much laughter. So much fun. What will tomorrow bring??????
Angie's coming to visit!
Well, her first priority isn't really visiting, but she's here, and we get to have her in our house, and I'm very, very happy. Angie, if you're reading this, you make me happy. Shelby, I wish like heck that you were going to be here too, but I will wait til June and enjoy the heck out of you then. OMG, I used 'heck' twice! For shame!
Outside the window of the conference room at ATC, we can see when people turn North onto Scott Avenue from 14th Street. It is one way going South. Today, a black car did it, moving pretty fast. I just had to call out 'Up the Down! Up the Down!'.
My colleagues had no idea what I was talking about, but still they 'got it'. Jenny frowned. She takes it as a personal affront when people do that. And they do it a lot.
But here's the happy, happy beauty that I get from 'Up the Down'.
It was a wonderful, funny time in a little car with Angie and Shelby. We were going against the stream in a parking lot, and I called out the only warning my brain could muster.
"Up the Down! Up the Down!"
Lordy, how we laughed.
I do like to laugh. My nieces identify me with that laugh. It was perhaps too loud for them when they were younger. But I do love to laugh.
What a fun and wonderful life I have had so far. So much laughter. So much fun. What will tomorrow bring??????
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Keeping an eye on things
Back to Herceptin on Friday. I like to think that it's no big deal, but I find my mind going to it over and over. I expect I'll have that 'first time' reaction. They tell me I've been off of it long enough that it's like starting over. It's a weird thing, like intense cold and cramping. I remember being under tons of covers and not being able to get warm. But it will be okay. It doesn't last forever. Gerry is going to take me and pick me up so I don't have to worry about driving.
I am constantly startled by random beauty in the world. I'm driving along a city street, and there will be a stand of flowers that makes my heart ache. I washed Sam this weekend, and now when he lays on me in the sunshine, he smells so wonderful, so fresh and sweet and pure. I love to look at Josie's face and see her fine, red eyelashes. She lets me look at her so completely close up. What an amazing thing to have access to such a fine little animal, right there in our home. The universe is amazingly beautiful. Take a close look.
I am constantly startled by random beauty in the world. I'm driving along a city street, and there will be a stand of flowers that makes my heart ache. I washed Sam this weekend, and now when he lays on me in the sunshine, he smells so wonderful, so fresh and sweet and pure. I love to look at Josie's face and see her fine, red eyelashes. She lets me look at her so completely close up. What an amazing thing to have access to such a fine little animal, right there in our home. The universe is amazingly beautiful. Take a close look.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Rainbows
I am so glad that I live in a world where sunlight and rain can create colors in the sky. The rainbow was incredible. The sky was dark gray, and the space inside the rainbow was lighter than the space outside. I could see the colors right down to the lavendar.
While I am certain there is a scientific explanation for the colors, the miracle is that there are colors.
While I am certain there is a scientific explanation for the colors, the miracle is that there are colors.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Busy!
I have always thought it is better to be busy than bored. I still think that. I am so not bored!
Conversion at work is going okay, the pressure is on, we're in the last 2.5 weeks, then some intense training the first week of March, and on with life.
The arts are really getting hit hard with this recession. I get it. There's no money. But anybody in the big firms who is still getting their bonus, they really, really, really should share it.
I think we got in trouble when executives and managers started getting salaries that are so much more, percentage wise, than the regular folks doing the work. I think it is better for everyone if everyone shares in that wealth. Really, folks, do you need 3 vacation houses? Wouldn't one do, and then the people working for you could afford to own their own home? I know that everyone wants to 'get ahead', but this is ridiculous. We have to try and spread the wealth around.
So, you're probably not going to give up that gigunda salary (your management probably wouldn't let you!). But here's an idea. Get out and share what you have. If you have enough, take the rest and spread it around. Help people who don't have enough to eat, who don't having housing. And help sustain the arts in your community. Being able to see live theatre, being able to hear the symphony, watch a ballet, submerge yourself in the drama of opera....in a lot of ways, that is the icing on life.
It's the stuff that grabs your heart, and makes you laugh, makes you cry, makes you Feel! that makes you feel alive. Don't let that go out of your community. Don't let that light and that fire go out.
Please! Find something that stirs your heart, and support it. You can't take it with you. Spend it on beautiful things while you're here!
Conversion at work is going okay, the pressure is on, we're in the last 2.5 weeks, then some intense training the first week of March, and on with life.
The arts are really getting hit hard with this recession. I get it. There's no money. But anybody in the big firms who is still getting their bonus, they really, really, really should share it.
I think we got in trouble when executives and managers started getting salaries that are so much more, percentage wise, than the regular folks doing the work. I think it is better for everyone if everyone shares in that wealth. Really, folks, do you need 3 vacation houses? Wouldn't one do, and then the people working for you could afford to own their own home? I know that everyone wants to 'get ahead', but this is ridiculous. We have to try and spread the wealth around.
So, you're probably not going to give up that gigunda salary (your management probably wouldn't let you!). But here's an idea. Get out and share what you have. If you have enough, take the rest and spread it around. Help people who don't have enough to eat, who don't having housing. And help sustain the arts in your community. Being able to see live theatre, being able to hear the symphony, watch a ballet, submerge yourself in the drama of opera....in a lot of ways, that is the icing on life.
It's the stuff that grabs your heart, and makes you laugh, makes you cry, makes you Feel! that makes you feel alive. Don't let that go out of your community. Don't let that light and that fire go out.
Please! Find something that stirs your heart, and support it. You can't take it with you. Spend it on beautiful things while you're here!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
What is really important?
Having fun.
Telling people how you feel.
Cuddling your puppy.
Being real.
There are very few days that go by without me thinking about my friend Terry. If there is one thing that I regret, it is losing his friendship. I don't know anymore if it is all my fault. Seems hard to imagine that I could have destroyed it all by myself. But, who knows.
The friendships of our youth are the strongest, even when not logical. I let few people in anymore. Some (Angie and Shelby...) sneak in before I know it, and I am glad that they do. But those friendships forged when we are young can be so strong. We hadso little, other than our friends, at that time in our life. We moved each other from apartment to apartment. We shared cars and food and housing and secrets and our insanity.
My friend Terry accepted me as I was, as I did him. At least I think so. I think a great deal about what went wrong, about what changed. I have a number of theories. But do any of them matter?
All I know is that our friendship is gone.
As I face my own mortality, I want to make it right between us. But I'm not sure that is possible. What a damned shame.
Telling people how you feel.
Cuddling your puppy.
Being real.
There are very few days that go by without me thinking about my friend Terry. If there is one thing that I regret, it is losing his friendship. I don't know anymore if it is all my fault. Seems hard to imagine that I could have destroyed it all by myself. But, who knows.
The friendships of our youth are the strongest, even when not logical. I let few people in anymore. Some (Angie and Shelby...) sneak in before I know it, and I am glad that they do. But those friendships forged when we are young can be so strong. We hadso little, other than our friends, at that time in our life. We moved each other from apartment to apartment. We shared cars and food and housing and secrets and our insanity.
My friend Terry accepted me as I was, as I did him. At least I think so. I think a great deal about what went wrong, about what changed. I have a number of theories. But do any of them matter?
All I know is that our friendship is gone.
As I face my own mortality, I want to make it right between us. But I'm not sure that is possible. What a damned shame.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
El Nino has Peaked
I am totally enjoying the cool weather....
The fog was low on the mountains, and snow showing on the peaks. It is a beautiful time here.
The fog was low on the mountains, and snow showing on the peaks. It is a beautiful time here.
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